grief and gratitude

Hello friends and family!

This fist part of this blog is from something I wrote in Battambong about three weeks ago. 

“Greetings from Battambong, Cambodia! It’s been a while since my last update, and I genuinely apologize. Life has been a whirlwind lately and so finding time to sit down and put all my thoughts into words hasn’t been possible for a while. But, I hope this updates you on what’s been happening and going on in Cambodia and my life!

About three weeks ago the Lord began revealing to me that his love and kindness are not like anything I have ever experienced or known before. I realized I cannot compare his love or his kindness to any I have had or seen before, and that I was actually putting limits on God without even being aware of it. He showed me that until I know his character for myself, I wouldn’t have a firm foundation built on him. And so I asked him to show me and reveal to me what I don’t know about him. 

And then, my grandfather passed away while I was halfway around the world. Doesn’t seem kind, does it? And yet, I learned more about his kindness, gentleness and consistency than ever before. 

My grandfather had been in the hospital for about two weeks before due to breathing issues. My family had known this was a possibility but never lost hope, and neither did I. It was hard and overwhelming being so far away when my family was with him and together through this whole process. And then when it happened, I had a choice to go back to Texas to mourn with family and be at the funeral or stay in Cambodia. My immediate reaction was I want to go home, I want to see family and be able to comfort each other. I was all over the place, devastated, confused and I couldn’t imagine not being with them while they were celebrating him and the Lord for the life he lived.”

That’s as far as I got on that blog that day, fast forward three weeks, now back in Siem Reap I am attempting to update you on everything that’s happened since then while still trying to comprehend and process. I went home the day after I found out that my grandfather had passed. One of the guys on my squad and I actually got to travel together because he was going back for his brother’s wedding. It was good to be with family and I am so glad I got to be there with and for them. Insurance pays for a flight home if something like that happens and when my squad-mates found out some of them pitched in to pay for my flight back to Cambodia. I was blown away by the kindness and provision of the Lord through the people around me through all of this. 

Since being back, one of my teammates has left the race. We said goodbye last Sunday with many tears and love. It was hard to see her go but we all knew it was better if she did for her own sake, and she did too. 

The next day, last Monday, my grandmother, Candace Nehring, unexpectedly passed away. She went to be with Jesus and my grandfather, Pops. I write this in confusion and shock. It had been five weeks since my grandfather passed. She was a healthy, vibrant, loving woman that we thought we had many more years with. It hasn’t clicked in my head yet that she isn’t on Earth anymore. It hurts to see my family be so confused and sorrowful over the phone and not get to be with them. I don’t understand but am choosing to put my trust in the Lord daily.

My grandmother knew the Lord so well and lived a life in reverence to him. She showed me what it meant to love others and to give all the glory to God. And because of that I know she wouldn’t want me to sit here in Cambodia sad all the time confused with God’s plan, but that she would actually tell me to rejoice in the Lord. So that’s what I’ve been trying to do, it’s hard at moments and easy at some but I’ll continue to do it for her and my family and mostly because I know the Lord is faithful and that his plan is better than mine even if I don’t understand. I don’t have many words for that yet, and am in a state of constant confusion with a pit in my stomach but praying that the Lord gives me peace and contentment in him.

I apologize again for the delayed updates. I hope this blog has allowed you to see somewhat into my heart and life. My next post will be all pictures and captions so that you can see the Lord working in Cambodia and the life I’ve been able to live here! Please know that the Lord is good and sovereign and we have the honor of giving him praise everyday! He is working in Cambodia and in my heart and has a plan for the whole world that we get to be a part of if we say yes! Please keep me, my family and Cambodia in your prayers. 

 

With so much love, 

Alexa